ALWAYS Back Off If She Doesn't Kiss By The Second Date

When you take a woman out, always look for signs of attraction. You need to know if a woman is really interested in you or just likes free attention. One of the clearest signs that a woman is not interested in you is a lack of physical enthusiasm. Especially if she swerves your kiss attempt.

This is Dating Field Report 1. The following occurred over the past several weeks. Everything has been anonymized to hide the private lives of those involved.

A client of mine named Tom messaged me with the following story. He’s now seen this girl twice with no kiss after each date. This girl was Tom’s server at a local restaurant. Lana, the server in question, actually texted him that day. According to Tom, he hardly had any conversation with her.

This is a sign of high attraction. If you barely converse with a woman at all aside from saying hello, this is a great sign. But physical attraction only gets you in the door.

They set up a date and went out to a restaurant and a bar. Tom and Lana walked around downtown and looked out over the town’s river at the end of the date. According to Tom, all night long she’d told him how smart and handsome he was. She was gushing over him. He also initiated physical contact with her at the bar they went to, and she reciprocated. But now he had to pass the kiss test. He went in for the kiss, despite no obvious signs. She wasn’t looking at his lips. No head lean-in.

If a date goes well, it is perfectly fine to do this, especially if you’ve initiated physical contact and she didn’t pull back. This is a sign that more is *potentially* on the table.

Lana gave Tom the cheek. She told him she wanted to take things slow.

OG Dating Coach Corey Wayne has a term for this situation: the structured woman. These are women who follow a strict structure for when to kiss, have sex, or perform other behaviors. You simply do not want these women. You want to be someone who is good enough that she will break her structure. If not, you’re simply not the guy for her.

Tom persisted despite this.

It should be noted that Tom is not entirely in the wrong here. Personally, I would have pulled back after one swerving kiss and required her to set a new date before even considering it. But according to Tom, Lana had brushed her hand against his while walking out of the restaurant. This is a clear sign she wants to hold hands. She also called him hot, smart, and funny. She even gave him puppy dog eyes. All of these things are signs of attraction.

So, Tom set up a second date. According to Tom, they had a bit of a strange back and forth where she appeared snappy and left his texts unanswered for almost 24 hours. This was unlike the first date, where she responded within the hour. He did not snap back and was playful in his response. Good save on Tom’s part. Then, they went on their second date.

They went to another restaurant and had similar conversation. Tom said he was flirty, though she was a bit less responsive. He said that, nonetheless, they touched a bit. It’s here, however, that he learned why she might be like this. She dropped two important details about her life to him on date two: she was abused as a child, and she had a crazy ex-boyfriend who stole her identity and she works with.

This is going to sound harsh. It is harsh. Run from this kind of girl. People who have been abused often have an avoidant attachment style, meaning that they often appear distant and are hesitant to commit. This partially explains some of the prior strange behavior. Also, people with messy exes are hard to deal with. If they WORK with the ex, this is even worse. It means he is going to stay emotionally relevant to her, and maybe even more so than you. After all, you’re seeing her once a week. Her ex gets to see her every single day. The potential for rekindling things between them makes this a major L for Tom. Or for any guy in this situation. Abort. There is no salvaging.

Tom decided to attempt to salvage, despite the major red flags here. He says that Lana grabbed his hand when they left the restaurant. And when they got to the car, he went in for a kiss again. Shockingly, she swerved him again.

As stated previously, there are too many red flags to begin with. But even this alone is a red flag. If a girl won’t kiss you by date two, she’s way too structured. When will you get a kiss? Date three? Four? Ten? If a girl likes you enough, she will kiss on date one. She will break her structure for you, if she has one. There are plenty of girls out there who will kiss you on the first date. In fact, most will.

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Neo out.

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